So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
