They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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