You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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