Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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