he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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