Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
