Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
