I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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