Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
