We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
