we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
