She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
