I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
