he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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