Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize