I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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