The maid of honor just puked.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
