Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You pole danced in your parka.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
