is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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