Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
