Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
