My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
