trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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