sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
