If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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