grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Houston, we have a squirter
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
