"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
