I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
MIDGETS
????
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
