he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
