guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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