This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
