Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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