I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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