so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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