Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize