I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
