im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
