She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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