Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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