I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
