I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
