He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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