K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
thus making me awesome and them whores
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
