I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
