dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
