She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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