Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
