I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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