My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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