i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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