My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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