she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
