i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Apparently you make a good broom.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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