Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
