What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
as a side note pls kill me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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