How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
