i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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