Please, let me fuck your mom
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
