so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize