Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
