I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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