Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
