i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The power of my boobs compel you
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
