yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
