just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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