You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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