do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
