At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
