why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
