Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
