Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
